I guess i have learnt alot in the last 3 months..
Maannnn, I regret so much sometimes. I wish i could take it all back.
I want to talk to you right now.. And i don't understand why.. I feel silly because you sometimes smash me in to the ground without even speaking to me.. Im still a 16 year old girl, over emotional and frustrated. And i just got so upset because i read my blog from when i was 17-18, And i was really stupidly in the palm of your hand, I couldn't see anything but you. And where did that get me huh? I wish i could take it all back.. 100%.
getyo urse
lftog ethe
rorgi veup.
MAANNN FUCKK. EVERYTHING IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. How am i going to handle getting up at 6 everyday just to make enough money to be alive? How am i going to finish school and work and find a house and then build a home and have a social life and see my family and SOME HOW stay happy and sane while i do all of this 100% alone?! HOLLYY SHIITTT IM FREAKING OUT. I can not do this. I don't understand how my friends do it.. Because it is kicking my ass. Im so angry right now --- because im sick of myself and i just want to get on my bike, go as fast as i can and see where i end up, IM SO SICK OF BEING POOR AND SCARED AND 19 AND CONFUSED AND STRESSED AND I HATE BEING 19 BECAUSE I NEVER HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON AND I NEVER KNOW WHO IS TRUE AND WHO JUST NEEDS SOMETHING FROM ME. I HATE EVERYONE. thats a lie.. i love my friends, i would do anything to keep them happy, I just want this month to go by so when i freak out and cry i can walk across the hall and curl up with my best friend, tell her everything, get high and we can laugh and i can feel less alone in my own skin. on a different note I HATE YOU. If you come anywhere near me.. i am going to smash your face in with my u lock and leave you in the streets. You are the only person who makes me feel violent. YOU MAKE ME WANT TO COMINT AWFUL ACTS AND I CONSIDER MYSELF A GENERALLY PEACEFUL PERSON AND YOU FUCKED WTTH MY INNER PEACE AND NOW I CANT GET IT BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH I THINK AND DEOKENFPOIESN FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I am shaking, i am going to sleep before i start screaming and crying and pulling my hair out. I just want everyone and everything to be okay and happy, and i don't want to wake up everyday and roll my eyes because i have to go another day living a life that feels empty. :( Im such a complainer, you can say it, Kim you are a huge fucking baby. Deeeep breathe, Inhale, Exhale. Tomorrow will be Tomorrow i won't care. Love is for hippys and halmark. I just wish i wouldn't have lost all the people i loved last summer, all of them are gone. And i don't really know why.. Your gone. Not even friends. Not even acquittance's. Deeeepp breaatheee. It is what it is. And i wanted this, I want this. I WANT THIS. I want to get up early and make money, I want to have the friends i have now, I want to do school, I want to move, And i don't want you. And i know all these things, I feel them, But sometimes.. ugh. I will probably delete this, I might not, its really long so no one other then my mom and kathleen will read it hahaha. My feet are numb, What.. i don't get it. 9pm, Im going to bed. Each day is different, And tomorrow, i will be happy. Right?
:(
