I can't stay here. I can not will not should not stay here. Because its been months and everywhere i have gone has just put me back to where i didn't want to be. And yesterday, When i got that slap in the face, I could have stopped breathing right there. So i got on my bike and went as fast as i could until i realized the rain was coming in and i was nowhere near my home. I considered turning around, but i had come so far. I sat under a tree, smoked a joint and waited for my heart to stop. You told me "Everyone gets like this, but your okay because i will stay here and make sure your never too sad and too scared."
I woke up this morning form a nightmare around 4am, I wanted to cry, I was so upset. I actually sat in bed and tryed to cry -- And nothing happen. I use to cry all the time, and now i just stare in to space and think about all the things im never going to see if i don't get out of this city. Put sutures in my chest, Get on a train and just go somewhere else, Where i can be someone else and lay in the sun and find like-minded people to cure that sickening feeling in my stomach.
Like i seriously give a fuck about your half hearted kind gestures.
I am out of orbit, I am doing what im told, I am such a fucking sell out.
(I can't want for november because new moon comes out, No shame.)
