I wanted you. You wanted more. I built this life and now it's mine

I have decided i am going to learn how to cook, I just made garlic chicken, chow mien noodles, broccoli and cauliflower and wrapped it in a toasted pita with sesame seed sauce and crushed almonds. AND IT WAS WONDERFUL. I am so impressed with myself right now, haha. I am also so full, i ate too much, i feel sick again. I always feel like shit, physically or emotionally. I have alot of pent up rage about a certain situation and a certain person(s)..I think most people would just you know, suck it up and get over it, but i guess i hold grudges. I always thought i was forgiving, but it turns out im not. I always thought i was better then saying childish things, committing childish acts, but turns out.. im not. Im really sorry to my girlfriends who have to listen to all the stupid shit i say and nod and tell me i am not being crazy when everyone knows i am over reacting. These things won't happen again, mainly because i reliezied how fucking stupid i was making myself look. Its just that fucking november thing, i was fine until that, that is something i needed to know, but i wish i didn't feel. I still believe everything happens for a reason, and i have always had to learn things the hard way so i guess this all makes sense, Sometimes i just wish i was someone else.. Or i wish i understood all the awful things you did, then maybe i wouldn't be angry all the time.